1 00:00:48,997 --> 00:00:53,021 Albert, cup of tea out for you. 2 00:00:53,384 --> 00:00:54,812 Righto, son. 3 00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:45,847 Here you go, sweetheart. Nothing like a nice cup of Darjeelin' to start the day, that's my motto. 4 00:01:45,882 --> 00:01:47,241 Thanks. 5 00:01:49,197 --> 00:01:51,508 So what are you up to today? 6 00:01:51,764 --> 00:01:52,949 Nothing much. 7 00:01:53,128 --> 00:01:54,821 Just gonna sit around and try and learn this. 8 00:01:55,578 --> 00:01:59,406 I wish I'd never agreed to this audition in the first place. I'll never get the part anyway. 9 00:01:59,591 --> 00:02:02,023 You're giving up before you've even started. 10 00:02:02,058 --> 00:02:04,355 You don't know how nervous I get with auditions. 11 00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,780 You'll be terrific. 12 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:13,271 Remember the old saying? She who dares... wins. 13 00:02:14,925 --> 00:02:16,556 If you say so Del. 14 00:02:17,553 --> 00:02:20,027 You know, you're the only one who's ever really given me any encouragement. 15 00:02:20,751 --> 00:02:22,533 My ex-husband used to laugh at me. 16 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:26,528 To him, ambitions and dreams of wonderful things were a waste of time. 17 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,494 Never lose sight of your dreams sweetheart! 18 00:02:33,564 --> 00:02:37,890 When I was 18 I said that by the time I was 21 I was gonna be a millionaire. 19 00:02:38,221 --> 00:02:39,371 Really? 20 00:02:39,802 --> 00:02:44,862 When I was 21 I said I'd be a millionaire by the time I was 30... and when I was 30... 21 00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:46,250 D'you want a Jammy-Dodger? 22 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:55,036 I've never told anyone this, but, d'you remember when I was in America for a while? 23 00:02:55,839 --> 00:02:59,012 Well, while I was there they were putting on Aida at the Met. 24 00:02:59,628 --> 00:03:05,012 So I applied for a part in it. I didn't get it – there were union problems and I wasn't very good. 25 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:12,986 For a while, my head was filled with big theatres. You know, New York, Broadway - all that! 26 00:03:15,148 --> 00:03:16,118 Stupid... 27 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:18,605 No! Not stupid at all sweetheart. 28 00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:23,122 'Cause you had a go, didn't ya? That's the most important thing. You had a go. 29 00:03:23,772 --> 00:03:25,713 Anyway, I reckon it was all for the best. 30 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:27,405 How? 31 00:03:27,831 --> 00:03:33,410 Well, Aida at the Met! I can't see you playing a policewoman. 32 00:03:37,670 --> 00:03:41,422 Perhaps you're right. Although I wouldn't have had to do much research. 33 00:03:41,593 --> 00:03:43,375 My husband was a policeman. 34 00:03:44,681 --> 00:03:48,375 - Your old man was copper? Gordon Bennett! - Yeah. Didn't I ever say? 35 00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,852 No, you did not. You never told me that! 36 00:03:53,895 --> 00:03:55,409 Do you see much of him Do you see him at all? 37 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:58,395 No, I haven't seen him for years and years. Why? 38 00:03:58,430 --> 00:04:00,624 Nothing! I'm just curious. 39 00:04:03,955 --> 00:04:07,819 You never told me that! You better explain yourself. 40 00:04:09,529 --> 00:04:11,505 - Am I interrupting anything? - No. 41 00:04:12,931 --> 00:04:14,997 Oh well, better luck next time. 42 00:04:15,313 --> 00:04:16,796 I'm off to work. See you later. 43 00:04:16,831 --> 00:04:20,142 I'm going round your flat this morning, do your front door. 44 00:04:20,439 --> 00:04:22,522 Have you seen Cassandra since she got back? 45 00:04:23,562 --> 00:04:26,940 Why don't you ask to meet her, talk things over quietly between yourselves? 46 00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:30,422 If she wants to make the first move, fine. Other than that - nito! 47 00:04:30,628 --> 00:04:34,044 Is there a message I can give her from you? 48 00:04:34,723 --> 00:04:36,738 Yeah. Say hasta la vesta. 49 00:04:38,035 --> 00:04:41,913 Vesta? That's boil-in-the-bag curry, innit? 50 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:48,324 - No. It's Spanish for boil-in-the-bag curry. - I thought it was. 51 00:04:58,099 --> 00:05:00,294 You didn't do any shopping today then, Albert? 52 00:05:00,473 --> 00:05:04,011 No, that cup of tea I had this morning made me feel a bit rough. 53 00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:09,276 I thought you were doing the shopping now. 54 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,807 I've been out to lunch with my agent! 55 00:05:11,986 --> 00:05:13,790 Well, there's some egg and bacon in the fridge. 56 00:05:13,975 --> 00:05:15,609 Del doesn't like fried food! 57 00:05:17,731 --> 00:05:19,861 Well, I'm sorry, it'll have to be egg and bacon. 58 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,434 If that's the way it goes. Four rashers for me. 59 00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:31,208 - When's this audition of yours? - Tomorrow. I'm auditioning for Rosalind. 60 00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:32,704 Rosalind who? 61 00:05:32,739 --> 00:05:37,157 The part of Rosalind! I've got to learn the whole of Act Three, Scene Two by tomorrow morning. 62 00:05:37,192 --> 00:05:38,747 How the hell am I gonna to do that? 63 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,400 - Don't worry about that, I'll help you. - How d'you mean? 64 00:05:41,771 --> 00:05:45,435 I'll rehearse with you. You know, I'll read the other parts so you can get used to it. 65 00:05:48,135 --> 00:05:51,616 I used to do a bit of acting when I was at school. Bloody good I was an' all. 66 00:05:54,743 --> 00:05:56,511 You used to act at school? 67 00:05:56,546 --> 00:06:01,751 Yeah. I was in the Nativity play. Played the landlord. 68 00:06:04,287 --> 00:06:06,765 There was little Del Boy, strapped about. 69 00:06:07,056 --> 00:06:12,943 Then there was this knock at the door. So I answered the door and said 'I'm sorry. No room at the inn'. 70 00:06:13,855 --> 00:06:17,302 Joseph persuaded me to let 'em kip in the stable. 71 00:06:18,095 --> 00:06:23,160 I tried to charge him one and six for the night and got the cane for that. 72 00:06:23,579 --> 00:06:25,160 Those were the days... 73 00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:29,010 Ring the doorbell! 74 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,920 - Ring the doorbell. - Why? I've got the key! 75 00:06:32,181 --> 00:06:34,158 Just ring the doorbell. 76 00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:35,805 Alright. 77 00:06:47,354 --> 00:06:52,243 - Vive la France! - What is that thing? 78 00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:57,815 Brilliant, innit? Musical doorchimes there. They play 36 different national anthems. 79 00:06:58,107 --> 00:07:01,219 36 different nat...! You are kidding, aren't you? 80 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,944 No, he's ain't kidding, Raquel. I can see it in his eyes. 81 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,534 How'd you know they're genuine national anthems? 82 00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:09,341 'Cos it says so on the box! What can't speak can't lie. 83 00:07:09,765 --> 00:07:13,407 Well, I've seen umpteen Olympic Games and I ain't heard half the tunes this chime plays. 84 00:07:13,609 --> 00:07:16,796 I know, but how many gold medals have Fiji and Borneo won? 85 00:07:17,624 --> 00:07:22,501 If they had in the Olympics pearl-diving and putting the shrunken head... 86 00:07:25,309 --> 00:07:27,150 you would have heard their national anthems. 87 00:07:28,806 --> 00:07:31,656 Talking of shrunken heads... Rodney, I wanna word with you. 88 00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:35,073 What is it? 89 00:07:35,864 --> 00:07:41,275 I was round your place today fitting the new front door. and I had a little chat with Cassandra. 90 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,239 I think Cassandra's had a change of heart. 91 00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:44,964 Yeah? What makes you think that? 92 00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:52,260 I had a chat with her and she said she still loves you... very very deeply. 93 00:07:53,314 --> 00:07:54,769 Cassandra said that? 94 00:07:55,386 --> 00:08:02,764 Yes. So mush so that she asked me to ask you if you'd be prepared to meet her tonight. 95 00:08:03,124 --> 00:08:09,389 - Where? - I don't know, some little restaurant I think it is. 96 00:08:09,928 --> 00:08:11,319 That's not Cassandra's writing. 97 00:08:11,411 --> 00:08:13,725 That is my writing, that is, isn't it? 98 00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:18,319 She just told me and I wrote it down on a bit of paper... What d'you reckon? 99 00:08:18,973 --> 00:08:22,422 Yeah. I've got nothing better to do. 100 00:08:22,815 --> 00:08:24,368 Good boy, Lovely Jubbly. 101 00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:27,393 I hope she don't think she can buy me a bottle of wine and walk straight back in my life. 102 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:33,358 I don't think she means that Rodney. Cause I think she wants to woe again. 103 00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:39,844 I've booked the ta... she's booked the table for 7.30, so you'd better put your skates on. 104 00:08:40,281 --> 00:08:43,104 Yeah, I'll get a shower... Thanks, Del. 105 00:08:43,499 --> 00:08:45,728 What you thanking me for? I'm just the messenger boy. 106 00:08:47,137 --> 00:08:48,707 I feel sort of nervous. 107 00:08:48,871 --> 00:08:51,750 What you gotta be nervous about? She's your wife. 108 00:08:51,785 --> 00:08:56,662 - Yeah. I'll just be myself. - No. Try to make an impression Rodney! 109 00:09:00,952 --> 00:09:02,399 Are you going out tonight? 110 00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:07,552 I gotta go down the Nag's head, 'cause Mike and Trigger wanna buy one of my musical doorbells. 111 00:09:07,966 --> 00:09:09,997 D'you want me to drop 'em off at the pub on me way out? 112 00:09:10,471 --> 00:09:12,559 No, I've gotta go Rodney. 'Cause... 113 00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:16,817 ...at the moment Mike and Trigger don't know they wanna buy one of my musical doorbells. 114 00:09:17,051 --> 00:09:19,602 Then I'm coming back me and help Raquel rehearse her play. 115 00:09:19,806 --> 00:09:20,928 Oh yeah. 116 00:09:22,265 --> 00:09:26,826 - You are rehearsing a play? - Raquel's up for some audition. 117 00:09:27,116 --> 00:09:29,769 It's one of Shakespeare's famous plays. 118 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:32,298 And you are rehearsing it with her? 119 00:09:34,105 --> 00:09:36,411 Can't you do it now before I go out? 120 00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:42,921 Oh please! I could do with a la... You know, see how it's all done. 121 00:09:43,079 --> 00:09:45,700 You don't understand, Rodney. You don't understand, do you, eh? 122 00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:50,913 You can't expect an actress of Raquel's calibre just to start rehearing at the drop of an act! 123 00:09:52,151 --> 00:09:57,769 She's got to search for her character. It's all about motivation. 124 00:09:58,028 --> 00:10:03,175 It's all about thought and sensitivity, and that takes time, Rodney... 125 00:10:06,849 --> 00:10:09,703 And apart from that, she's only just put the rashers in the pan. 126 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,830 Brilliant, innit eh? Brilliant! 127 00:10:27,355 --> 00:10:32,820 No more of that 'Avon calling' cobblers. You can have the old stars and stripes. 128 00:10:33,014 --> 00:10:35,253 You expect me to have one of them things on my front door? 129 00:10:35,288 --> 00:10:39,551 - You're keen, I can tell. - Del, they're cheep and tacky! 130 00:10:39,586 --> 00:10:41,386 I've got one on my front door! 131 00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:46,452 You most probably have. You'd need a brain by-pass to have one of them things fitted. 132 00:10:46,916 --> 00:10:49,318 How much you selling them for, Del? 133 00:10:51,135 --> 00:10:57,005 Funny you should say that, Trig. Because they normally retail at £36. 134 00:10:57,005 --> 00:11:01,224 But you can have it for £13.50 including batteries and fitting. 135 00:11:01,611 --> 00:11:03,174 Go on then. I'll have one. 136 00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,515 Good boy. You know it makes sense. 137 00:11:08,221 --> 00:11:10,514 I thought you'd banned laughing in this pub. 138 00:11:11,749 --> 00:11:13,173 With that sort I have. 139 00:11:13,334 --> 00:11:17,080 See them two blokes over there? They've been plying her with drinks since six o'clock. 140 00:11:17,359 --> 00:11:19,087 I think they're fed up with it now. 141 00:11:21,802 --> 00:11:26,013 - Would you call her a cab? - Yeah, something like that. 142 00:11:27,116 --> 00:11:31,263 No, no. Would you phone for a minicab? The lady wants to go to Battersea. 143 00:11:31,434 --> 00:11:35,574 Yeah, you leave it to me mate. I've got an understanding with British Telecom. 144 00:11:35,574 --> 00:11:38,545 I make a phone call and they charge me for it. 145 00:11:39,984 --> 00:11:45,120 I apologize for him sir, it's his religion. He's an orthodox tight-arse. 146 00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:50,488 - How is it going, Trig? - Alright. 147 00:11:50,789 --> 00:11:54,770 I went down to my sister's house at the weekend. It was her 42nd birthday. 148 00:11:56,624 --> 00:11:58,042 Wait a minute, hang on. 149 00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:01,793 Your sister's 5 years younger than you. That'd make her 39. 150 00:12:02,057 --> 00:12:06,039 I know. But she's a typical woman. She lies about her age. 151 00:12:08,591 --> 00:12:11,370 So how's the family? 152 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:17,695 Oh mustard. Raquel's boning up for an audition for a new play. It's as you like it, by Shakespeare. 153 00:12:17,982 --> 00:12:19,651 Yeah? Will it be on telly? 154 00:12:19,686 --> 00:12:24,101 No, no. Not this particular one. Might probably be in the West End, something like that. 155 00:12:24,361 --> 00:12:27,500 - Hope she don't change. - Raquel? Why should she change? 156 00:12:27,686 --> 00:12:31,740 Well, they start mixing with all them posh actors and the next thing you know they've changed. 157 00:12:31,915 --> 00:12:33,625 No, not my Raquel. 158 00:12:33,994 --> 00:12:38,348 My sister went out with an actor once. He played the cat in Puss-in-Boots. 159 00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:42,894 She suddenly thought she was more intelligent than the rest of the family. 160 00:12:43,441 --> 00:12:48,025 Yeah, but if you remember, Trig, you had the same problem with your goldfish... 161 00:12:49,755 --> 00:12:51,982 Work it out Trig, I'l be back in a minute. 162 00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,701 How are you? 163 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:05,396 - How's the little baby? - Oh he's lovely. He's there with Boyce. 164 00:13:06,654 --> 00:13:09,880 - Good evening, Derek. - Just saying hello to Marlene. 165 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:14,479 Yes, I noticed you approaching my wife and shake her warmly by the 'arris! 166 00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:19,228 Oh shuddup, you miserable old sod. He's just having a laugh. 167 00:13:19,781 --> 00:13:22,100 Just a giggle, that's all. Let me buy you a drink, what d'you want? 168 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,099 I'll have a large cognac. Marlene will have an orange juice. 169 00:13:25,099 --> 00:13:27,497 She's just about to drive my son back home. 170 00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:32,771 Can I have a small orange, a small cognac and my special please. 171 00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:35,761 I've got some pictures of the baby here. 172 00:13:37,907 --> 00:13:41,326 - He's champion, ain't he? - He's got my eyes, ain't he? 173 00:13:41,326 --> 00:13:46,847 - Na! His eyes are all warm and smiley. - So are mine. 174 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:50,141 My mum always said you had vampire eyes. 175 00:13:50,345 --> 00:13:52,958 Well, she should know, the old bat! 176 00:13:56,956 --> 00:13:59,319 He's got my eyes. Definitely my... 177 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:02,978 And look at that, I never noticed that Mike, he's got your mouth. 178 00:14:05,118 --> 00:14:08,404 That is Rodney's nose if ever I've seen... 179 00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:14,409 - What are you saying? - Nothing! Honest. 180 00:14:14,742 --> 00:14:17,649 Talking of Rodney. How is he now? 181 00:14:17,684 --> 00:14:22,732 He's alright, sweetheart. He's taking Cassandra out tonight - trying to patch things up. 182 00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,163 Oh good. I suppose you've missed him, eh, Del? 183 00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:27,652 Who? 184 00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:32,219 Rodney. I mean, you must have missed him when he left your partnership. 185 00:14:32,254 --> 00:14:37,084 Oh yeah, I missed him like George Michael misses Andrew Ridgely. 186 00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:49,936 Won't be a minute... Don't worry, Tyler, Mummy's coming. 187 00:14:51,937 --> 00:14:55,384 That woman's as soppy as a lorry-load of monkeys. 188 00:14:56,358 --> 00:14:59,028 I got home this evening and discovered some salesman 189 00:14:59,063 --> 00:15:03,164 has flogged her a door bell that plays 36 national anthems. 190 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,383 I got one of them. 191 00:15:06,428 --> 00:15:13,551 Yes, I'd have put money on that, Trig! The difference is I live in a mock-Georgian mansion in the Kings Avenue. 192 00:15:13,744 --> 00:15:16,238 Our neighbours are not gonna appreciate being awoken 193 00:15:16,273 --> 00:15:20,143 by the sound of Long live Swaziland every time the milkman calls. 194 00:15:20,892 --> 00:15:23,980 He still calls round, does he? 195 00:15:24,338 --> 00:15:26,652 I'm off home, Boyce. Don't be too late. 196 00:15:26,908 --> 00:15:31,939 I'll be about an hour. You'll know it's me. I'll play Mexico forever on the front door. 197 00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:36,300 Wave goodbye to your daddy. 198 00:16:12,761 --> 00:16:17,194 - So, how was Spain? - Oh, you know, OK. 199 00:16:18,397 --> 00:16:24,872 - Good. Do anything interesting? - Not really. There was just mummy and I at the villa. 200 00:16:25,774 --> 00:16:27,600 To be honest it was a bit boring. 201 00:16:27,802 --> 00:16:29,043 I can imagine! 202 00:16:31,316 --> 00:16:35,420 No, I don't mean being in your mother's company is boring! Because she's not a boring person! 203 00:16:35,806 --> 00:16:38,325 - I know what you meant. - Good... 204 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:42,449 Excuse me. Would you want a glass of something? 205 00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:43,651 I'll have the same as you. 206 00:16:44,289 --> 00:16:45,094 It's mineral water. 207 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:48,565 That makes a nice change. I heard you'd been drinking heavily. 208 00:16:51,591 --> 00:16:54,184 Heavily! Silly! 209 00:16:54,866 --> 00:16:57,341 Can I have a glass of mineral water, please? 210 00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:01,220 I think your father was exaggerating slightly, Cassandra. 211 00:17:01,377 --> 00:17:03,265 Daddy didn't tell me. It was Del. 212 00:17:04,796 --> 00:17:10,539 Yeah, well... Maybe I did go a bit overboard when we left each other. 213 00:17:10,574 --> 00:17:13,772 - You mean, when you left me! - Same thing. 214 00:17:13,807 --> 00:17:20,128 No it isn't! I didn't go anywhere, Roddy. I was at the flat waiting for you. You just didn't come home! 215 00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:24,616 We came here to discuss these things, not to argue! 216 00:17:24,651 --> 00:17:25,971 You started it! 217 00:17:26,006 --> 00:17:29,855 I didn't! I came home when you was on holiday. 218 00:17:29,890 --> 00:17:32,304 and I found you changed the locks on the front door! 219 00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:36,357 Yes, I should have told you. But that was no reason for you to kick the door in! 220 00:17:36,392 --> 00:17:38,805 I didn't kick the door in! I just sorta... 221 00:17:40,695 --> 00:17:42,023 ... that's all! 222 00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:47,135 - Why did you go back there? - I wanted to surprise you. 223 00:17:47,135 --> 00:17:48,651 You did surprise me! 224 00:17:48,794 --> 00:17:51,870 I didn't expect to come home to find my husband had kicked the front door in! 225 00:17:59,282 --> 00:18:02,014 Look, I've got as much right to enter that flat as you Cassandra! 226 00:18:02,049 --> 00:18:06,400 We've got a joint mortgage, remember, from the bank? 227 00:18:06,907 --> 00:18:09,030 And what about that girl you took out? 228 00:18:09,568 --> 00:18:13,151 - I didn't take any girl out! - You asked a girl out! 229 00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:15,302 That was just to make you jealous. 230 00:18:15,337 --> 00:18:17,906 It was a stupid idea and I never went through with it. 231 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:22,392 Although at this moment in time, it strikes me as being one of my better moves! 232 00:18:22,626 --> 00:18:25,407 Well, this is obviously going to be a total waste of a good evening! 233 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:29,905 Just think of all the more interesting things I could be doing - like washing my hair. 234 00:18:30,053 --> 00:18:34,773 What about me? I've passed up the chance to watch Del rehearse a Shakespeare play! 235 00:18:35,255 --> 00:18:38,480 People would pay a fortune for something like that, and I could have it for nothing! 236 00:18:38,942 --> 00:18:42,594 I came here this evening hoping that you and I could find some common ground 237 00:18:42,629 --> 00:18:45,709 on which we could base our future! But it's pointless! 238 00:18:46,014 --> 00:18:49,539 I'm glad I found out this early in our marriage what you're really like! 239 00:18:49,844 --> 00:18:52,321 Your drinking, your bouts of violence! 240 00:18:52,655 --> 00:18:56,044 God, I can just imagine my future with someone like you! 241 00:18:56,204 --> 00:19:01,547 You really are the silliest, pettiest, most childish person I've ever had the misfortune to marry. 242 00:19:03,457 --> 00:19:05,720 You fancy me, don't you? 243 00:19:07,151 --> 00:19:13,107 - No, I don't! - Yes, you do, you little flirt, you! 244 00:19:13,992 --> 00:19:19,373 I hate you! I wanted this to be serious. I wanted to really tear into you! 245 00:19:19,540 --> 00:19:21,470 Oh that's why you asked to meet me? 246 00:19:21,505 --> 00:19:26,179 I ask to meet you? You must be joking! Roddy, you're the one who did the asking. 247 00:19:26,214 --> 00:19:31,783 No, Del came home and he said you'd ask to meet me. And you suggested this venue. 248 00:19:31,935 --> 00:19:37,175 Rodney, Derek brought a message round from you. He said you wanted to meet me at this rest...! 249 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,317 Git! 250 00:19:50,167 --> 00:19:51,321 So now what do we do? 251 00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:53,440 - I dunno... 252 00:19:59,258 --> 00:20:02,145 - D'you fancy showing me yer tan? - Yeah, alright. 253 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,702 - Can I take your order sir? - No, I've lost my appetite. 254 00:20:07,048 --> 00:20:08,427 Same here. 255 00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:13,987 That's the new key. 256 00:20:14,354 --> 00:20:17,667 I've got to go round to mummy and daddy's. I've left some of my clothes at their house. 257 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,654 You won't be too long, will yer? 258 00:20:20,824 --> 00:20:24,110 About an hour or so. D'you remember your way home? 259 00:20:24,983 --> 00:20:26,101 I remember. 260 00:20:26,136 --> 00:20:29,063 In case you get confused, we've got a new front door. 261 00:20:33,836 --> 00:20:35,474 I'll see you in bed in about half an hour. 262 00:20:37,619 --> 00:20:38,912 Sorry! 263 00:20:54,474 --> 00:20:56,342 You're gonna have trouble with that one, Michael. 264 00:20:56,377 --> 00:20:59,662 Don't I know it? The sooner that minicab arrives, the better! 265 00:21:00,654 --> 00:21:05,135 Disgusting, innit, eh? I like a lady to be a lady. 266 00:21:05,318 --> 00:21:09,713 I can't stand a woman being drunk, staggering round a pub, dropping her crisps all over the place. 267 00:21:10,117 --> 00:21:16,149 - I remember your mum. - What d'you mean by that? 268 00:21:16,584 --> 00:21:18,452 She was a lady, weren't she? 269 00:21:21,365 --> 00:21:27,787 My mum was a lady. She was the first woman in Peckham to smoke menthol cigarettes. 270 00:21:31,622 --> 00:21:35,931 Look at the state of that! I wouldn't be seen dead with that! 271 00:21:36,090 --> 00:21:38,101 That alone admits knowing it! 272 00:21:46,267 --> 00:21:47,825 Blimey! 273 00:21:49,656 --> 00:21:52,709 How are you, darling? 274 00:21:54,257 --> 00:21:55,797 Oh, triffic! 275 00:21:56,317 --> 00:22:02,665 - How long's it been? - How long's what been? 276 00:22:03,135 --> 00:22:08,268 - Since we last saw each other? - Have we met? 277 00:22:09,402 --> 00:22:16,837 - You don't remember me? It's Trudy! - Trudy? Were we engaged? 278 00:22:18,959 --> 00:22:21,198 You ain't half changed, sweetheart. 279 00:22:21,387 --> 00:22:26,417 Ain't we all, love? Hang on a minute, I'll just go and get me drink. 280 00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,014 I've gone right off that hot-dog, Mike. 281 00:22:32,371 --> 00:22:36,023 Del, we made it up. Me and Cassy, we're back together! 282 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:37,848 Well done, brother. 283 00:22:38,838 --> 00:22:41,313 Mike, there's a minicab outside for somebody. 284 00:22:41,348 --> 00:22:46,562 - That'll be for your ex-fiancee, Derek. Get her out, will yer? 285 00:22:46,597 --> 00:22:48,843 Yes, yes, gimme a minute. 286 00:22:48,878 --> 00:22:51,170 Del, it's not another fiancee! 287 00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:53,859 Sorry Rodney, I was very young at the time! 288 00:22:54,494 --> 00:22:55,946 Cassandra, she's not out there in the van, is she? 289 00:22:56,116 --> 00:22:58,304 No. She's gone round her mum and dad's place, pick something up. 290 00:22:58,339 --> 00:23:01,027 I just came arpund to tell you that I won't be home tonight. 291 00:23:01,062 --> 00:23:06,835 - What you mean Rodney is, you will be home tonight. - Oh yeah, my real home! 292 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:12,078 There's your key back. Thanks for having me... 293 00:23:13,982 --> 00:23:15,802 It was a pleasure. 294 00:23:16,443 --> 00:23:18,279 Cassandra didn't ask to meet me, did she? 295 00:23:19,343 --> 00:23:23,521 - Na. I lied. - You're a conniving git! 296 00:23:25,762 --> 00:23:27,044 It worked though, didn't it? 297 00:23:30,865 --> 00:23:32,778 I've just seen Raquel and Albert getting off the bus. 298 00:23:32,813 --> 00:23:37,219 Raquel's coming here? She can't see me with that Trudy. You know how jealous she gets! 299 00:23:39,801 --> 00:23:42,251 Tell me everything that's been happening! 300 00:23:44,993 --> 00:23:47,262 I'd love to, sweetheart. But your cab has just arrived. 301 00:23:48,864 --> 00:23:54,045 Why don't you come back to my place? We can talk about old times. 302 00:23:55,625 --> 00:23:59,855 I'd love to, but I've got to stay here and talk some bussiness with these gentlemen. 303 00:24:00,018 --> 00:24:02,173 Rodney, will you escort this lady to her cab? 304 00:24:03,498 --> 00:24:09,184 I'll see you then, Del. D'you come in this pub often? 305 00:24:09,350 --> 00:24:11,837 No, I've never been in here before in my life, have I Mike? 306 00:24:11,837 --> 00:24:13,488 That's right. 307 00:24:21,786 --> 00:24:26,385 Is that my car? Is this a red car? It's my car, it's lovely. 308 00:24:30,901 --> 00:24:32,745 Mate! Can you open the door? 309 00:25:00,145 --> 00:25:05,635 Cass! Unlock the door! Cass, we've gotta talk! 310 00:25:07,865 --> 00:25:10,379 That bird has nothing to do with me! 311 00:25:10,414 --> 00:25:16,423 She was some old sort Del was engaged to years ago! Cass, at least let's talk! 312 00:25:36,899 --> 00:25:41,647 By no means sir, Time travels in diverse places, with diverse persons, 313 00:25:41,808 --> 00:25:45,653 I'll tell you who time ambles withal, who time trots withal, 314 00:25:45,688 --> 00:25:48,894 who time gallops withal, and who he stands still withal. 315 00:25:48,929 --> 00:25:50,754 That's bloody good, Raquel. 316 00:25:51,048 --> 00:25:52,704 Orlando. 317 00:25:58,212 --> 00:26:00,347 I prithee, who doth he trot withal! 318 00:26:01,005 --> 00:26:03,202 - What are you doing? - I'm acting. 319 00:26:03,790 --> 00:26:05,977 Well, don't! Just read it! 320 00:26:11,073 --> 00:26:13,502 I prithee, who doth he trot withal? That alright? 321 00:26:14,101 --> 00:26:17,484 Marry, he trots hard with a young maid, between the contract of her marriage, 322 00:26:17,519 --> 00:26:24,699 and the day it is solemnis'd, if the interim be but a se'nnight, time's pace is so hard. 323 00:26:24,952 --> 00:26:28,659 That it seems the length of seven year. 324 00:26:29,093 --> 00:26:31,708 - When you gotta learn this by? - Tomorrow morning. 325 00:26:34,487 --> 00:26:37,676 Oh Del! He's right! I'm gonna make a real mess of this audition. 326 00:26:37,711 --> 00:26:40,375 No, you're not! She's gonna be terrific - isn't she, Albert? 327 00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:43,510 'Course you are. And even if you're not, what have you lost? 328 00:26:43,545 --> 00:26:44,927 What do you mean, what have I lost? 329 00:26:44,962 --> 00:26:49,842 Well, it's only a bunch of nancy actors doing a play that no one can make head nor tail of! 330 00:26:51,052 --> 00:26:53,912 There! That makes you feel much better, dunnit, eh? 331 00:26:54,658 --> 00:26:59,930 You dozy old twonk! This is authentic culture. You just shut your gob, will yer? 332 00:27:01,249 --> 00:27:04,118 - Shall we continue sweetheart? - You sure you don't mind doing this? 333 00:27:04,153 --> 00:27:07,863 Of course not! I'm enjoying meself. This is a blinding play. 334 00:27:07,898 --> 00:27:11,218 - Thanks. Should we start at the beginning? - No, no. Let's go on a bit, just move on. 335 00:27:15,378 --> 00:27:17,038 Saved by the door bell. 336 00:27:22,577 --> 00:27:24,690 What are you doing here? I thought you were staying at yer own place tonight. 337 00:27:25,078 --> 00:27:26,633 We've broken up. 338 00:27:28,307 --> 00:27:35,383 Broken up? What are you talking about? You've only been together an hour! What happened? 339 00:27:35,418 --> 00:27:40,327 She saw me standing outside the Nag's Head with my arm round bloody Trudy! 340 00:27:40,562 --> 00:27:42,225 You had your arm round another woman? 341 00:27:42,381 --> 00:27:45,522 Well, no wonder she's thrown you out! It serves you right, doesn't it, Rodney? 342 00:27:45,712 --> 00:27:49,156 Trudy was nothing to do with me! She was the old sort that Del... 343 00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:00,169 Just a friend! 344 00:28:00,559 --> 00:28:05,043 Oh just a friend, eh? How many times have I heard that? 345 00:28:07,659 --> 00:28:10,496 I've got no pity for you, in fact you disgust me! 346 00:28:10,637 --> 00:28:13,308 It wouldn't do you any harm to take a leaf out of Del's book. 347 00:28:16,710 --> 00:28:21,864 - I'm gonna study this in the bedroom. - Alright sweetheart. I'll see you a little later. 348 00:28:24,461 --> 00:28:28,865 Don't you look at me in that tone of voice, Rodney. How was I to know that Cassandra would see you. 349 00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:31,304 Anyway, what was you doing with your arm round Trudy? 350 00:28:31,339 --> 00:28:33,783 Stopping her from falling flat on her bleedin' face! 351 00:28:34,532 --> 00:28:36,655 D'you reckon Cassandra'll tell her dad? 352 00:28:36,690 --> 00:28:39,525 No. She'll keep it personal between her and Rodney. 353 00:28:47,611 --> 00:28:50,255 Trotters Internaional Traders PLC... 354 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,391 - Don't say I'm here! - No, sorry, he's not in. 355 00:28:55,633 --> 00:28:57,998 - Don't say I'm out! - You just said... 356 00:28:58,380 --> 00:29:02,402 What I mean, he's not in the room. He's in the bathroom. 357 00:29:03,671 --> 00:29:05,819 Alright. I'll take a message. 358 00:29:12,702 --> 00:29:14,958 He wants to see you in work tomorrow, first thing. 359 00:29:16,237 --> 00:29:19,669 It's alright Rodney, don't worry. It's probably something to do with the business. 360 00:29:21,063 --> 00:29:24,532 I'm gonna go off and help Raquel rehearse her play. 361 00:29:24,567 --> 00:29:32,059 If you hear any funny noises, don't worry. It'll be me rehearsing my speech for Agincourt. 362 00:29:35,436 --> 00:29:38,254 - Alan is going to sack me. - He can't sack you. 363 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,218 Of course he can. He owns the firm. 364 00:29:41,415 --> 00:29:43,649 That printing shop of his is overloaded with work. 365 00:29:43,684 --> 00:29:48,092 He's got orders coming out of his ears. Everyone's working overtime and weekends. 366 00:29:48,397 --> 00:29:50,728 So what are you saying? He'll wait 'til the rush is over? 367 00:29:50,901 --> 00:29:51,983 During the war... 368 00:29:52,018 --> 00:29:55,300 Oh no Unc, please. Not the U-boat and the fjord again! 369 00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:57,653 ... we docked at Valletta, on our way to Greece. 370 00:29:57,688 --> 00:30:01,878 We had a chief communications officer on board, Tubby Fox. 371 00:30:02,206 --> 00:30:04,444 Funny name for a ship, innit? 372 00:30:05,290 --> 00:30:10,208 That was the officer's name! Now, Tubby liked to live it up once in a while. 373 00:30:10,243 --> 00:30:15,194 One night he was on duty and the captain come in in the radio room – 374 00:30:15,229 --> 00:30:18,748 and caught him with a Maltese girl in one hand a and a bottle of gin in the other. 375 00:30:18,945 --> 00:30:22,145 He put him under arrest and started court-martial proceedings. 376 00:30:22,180 --> 00:30:25,638 Albert - is there any point to this story or are you just rambling? 377 00:30:25,673 --> 00:30:32,357 The navy had a wartime rule - only commissioned officers were allowed to control the radio room. 378 00:30:32,392 --> 00:30:33,949 Yeah, you're just rambling. 379 00:30:34,183 --> 00:30:39,226 Now, Tubby was the only communications officer on board. So d'you know what he did? 380 00:30:39,539 --> 00:30:41,003 I don't care what he did! 381 00:30:41,038 --> 00:30:43,363 He resigned his commission. Which meant? 382 00:30:43,717 --> 00:30:44,974 I don't know. 383 00:30:45,009 --> 00:30:51,338 It meant the ship couldn't sail! The captain had no choice but to refuse to accept Tubby's resignation! 384 00:30:51,373 --> 00:30:56,448 Once he'd done that, he couldn't proceed with the court martial. It was checkmate. 385 00:30:56,483 --> 00:31:00,953 I see! So they needed him more than he needed them? 386 00:31:00,988 --> 00:31:06,197 Exactly! What I'm trying to say is: realise your own importance. 387 00:31:06,232 --> 00:31:09,748 Tubby Fox did, and he went on to command his own submarine-hunter. 388 00:31:10,529 --> 00:31:15,483 Yeah! You're right! Cheers, Unc. 389 00:31:19,393 --> 00:31:26,725 He died in Palermo harbour. Dropped a depth-charge - in 9 foot of water. 390 00:32:25,152 --> 00:32:26,322 There's a letter for you waiting on the desk. 391 00:32:26,357 --> 00:32:29,427 Yeah? I'll deal with it later. I wanted to see you. 392 00:32:30,262 --> 00:32:32,100 Yeah, Del said you wanted to see me. 393 00:32:32,135 --> 00:32:36,712 Look, er... You know that lunch we had with Ron Carey from the Harvey's mail-order people? 394 00:32:37,245 --> 00:32:38,897 Vaguely. It was months ago. 395 00:32:38,932 --> 00:32:43,139 - Well, we've got the contract! - You're kidding! 396 00:32:43,686 --> 00:32:48,018 A three-year deal. We've all their junk mail, their catalogues and all their office stationary. 397 00:32:48,230 --> 00:32:49,505 That's massive. 398 00:32:49,540 --> 00:32:53,921 You're telling me! I think we can safely say we'll be having roast turkey again this Christmas. 399 00:32:53,921 --> 00:32:55,602 Yeah, but how are we gonna handle it? 400 00:32:55,637 --> 00:32:58,747 We've barely got the staff or room to cope with our present workload. 401 00:32:58,782 --> 00:33:01,437 We take on more staff and move to a bigger workshop. 402 00:33:01,803 --> 00:33:02,940 That's what I wanted to see you about. 403 00:33:02,975 --> 00:33:05,310 I've been looking at some new premises. I'd like you to see 'em. 404 00:33:07,448 --> 00:33:11,880 - Where are they? - You know that new industrial estate down at Nunhead... 405 00:33:13,447 --> 00:33:16,856 - Alan. About last night. - Last night? 406 00:33:18,449 --> 00:33:20,455 What happened with me and Cassandra. 407 00:33:20,940 --> 00:33:24,651 Oh that? Well, needless to say. Pam and I were delighted with the news. 408 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,065 Delighted? 409 00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:28,462 Cassandra came home and told us that you two were back together. 410 00:33:28,497 --> 00:33:32,657 Oh yeah! I wanted to talk to you about what happened after that. 411 00:33:33,504 --> 00:33:38,912 Rodney, I'm a man of the world but I'm also Cassandra's father. 412 00:33:39,143 --> 00:33:42,681 I don't wanna know what happened after that! D'you know what I mean? 413 00:34:06,506 --> 00:34:09,684 - Alright, sweetheart? - What are you doing here? 414 00:34:10,369 --> 00:34:15,133 Oh well, you know. I just happened to be passing. I thought I'd pop in and give you a lift home. 415 00:34:16,246 --> 00:34:23,081 Del, this is Adrian, he's the director. Adrian, this is Derek, he's... he's a friend. 416 00:34:23,333 --> 00:34:24,383 Pleased to meet you. 417 00:34:24,418 --> 00:34:28,609 And you, Ade, and you. So how'd she do? 418 00:34:28,644 --> 00:34:31,960 - At the audition? Very well. - Cushty. 419 00:34:33,137 --> 00:34:35,646 - I told you it would be no trouble. - You shouldn't ask questions like that! 420 00:34:35,681 --> 00:34:37,668 Oh shuddup. You're too picky, that's your problem. 421 00:34:37,703 --> 00:34:41,055 - What can I get you? - A small dry sherry, please, Adrian. 422 00:34:41,090 --> 00:34:42,800 Yeah, same here. 423 00:34:44,091 --> 00:34:49,632 And I'll have a kir. So are you in the business, Derek? 424 00:34:50,544 --> 00:34:53,522 No... I'm an importer-exporter. 425 00:34:53,557 --> 00:34:59,518 Fine antiques, quality objets d'art, mobile telephones, that sorta thing. 426 00:34:59,986 --> 00:35:04,663 While we're on the subject, Adrian, I happen to do be doing a very nice line... 427 00:35:04,698 --> 00:35:10,131 ...in computerised communications systems which I believe could be right up your street. 428 00:35:11,149 --> 00:35:15,428 It's a musical doorbell. When you press the button and... 429 00:35:15,676 --> 00:35:17,336 Derek, this is Jules. 430 00:35:19,596 --> 00:35:23,302 Jules is our set designer. Jules, this is Derek, Raquel's friend. 431 00:35:24,245 --> 00:35:27,848 - Hi. - Alright? 432 00:35:29,026 --> 00:35:31,994 Gimme some vitamin C. I feel absolutely wrecked. 433 00:35:33,596 --> 00:35:35,567 Let's go and sit down at the table, shall we? 434 00:35:36,097 --> 00:35:37,244 Fine. I'll just grab some food. 435 00:35:37,778 --> 00:35:39,947 - I feel a bit peckish as well. - Yeah, so do I. 436 00:35:42,907 --> 00:35:45,537 Go and sit at the table. I need to talk to him. 437 00:35:45,572 --> 00:35:47,136 Alright! 438 00:36:03,850 --> 00:36:07,524 They think I can design magnificent stage sets on peanuts! 439 00:36:08,179 --> 00:36:11,497 I mean, these people don't have a budget. It's more like a whip-round. 440 00:36:12,084 --> 00:36:15,412 Yeah, know what you mean. It's a bark, innit? 441 00:36:16,304 --> 00:36:18,022 Feel my hands. 442 00:36:18,057 --> 00:36:20,189 Feel my hands. Go on, feel 'em. 443 00:36:22,435 --> 00:36:24,153 Oh yeah, 'orrible, ain't they? 444 00:36:24,356 --> 00:36:29,158 Those are callouses! I'm the set designer yet I have to help unload the lorries. 445 00:36:29,193 --> 00:36:31,796 Did I go to art college for three years for that? 446 00:36:32,082 --> 00:36:33,819 - 'Course not! - No. 447 00:36:38,173 --> 00:36:42,601 - See the match the other night? - Match? What match? 448 00:36:42,636 --> 00:36:46,957 - Between England and Yugoslavia. - No, I'm not really interested in football. 449 00:36:46,992 --> 00:36:48,215 Well, you're lucky! You were dead lucky! 450 00:36:48,250 --> 00:36:53,058 Some of the decision that ref made were criminal. We was robbed, we was robbed! 451 00:36:53,093 --> 00:36:58,335 They showed the match on Grandstand. I said to my brother they should have shown it on Crimewatch. 452 00:37:00,887 --> 00:37:05,363 I tell you what I did watch. That Elizabeth Taylor film 'Cat On A Hot Tin Roof'. 453 00:37:06,031 --> 00:37:08,138 Isn't she the most gorgeous creature ever? 454 00:37:08,173 --> 00:37:11,163 Yeah, pity she got fat, innit? 455 00:37:11,971 --> 00:37:17,979 Derek, her bone structure! And her eyes! Her eyes simply sparkle. And her hair. 456 00:37:18,014 --> 00:37:20,111 Her hair just cascades everywhere. 457 00:37:48,587 --> 00:37:54,063 You wanna see these new premises Alan's going after. They're cosmic! They're modern, they're big. 458 00:37:54,098 --> 00:37:57,934 You've told us about 30 times already. I've never seen the place. 459 00:37:57,969 --> 00:38:01,129 But I feel like I could give you a guided tour. 460 00:38:01,164 --> 00:38:05,188 Well, I'm excited! I tell you, Alan is going places. 461 00:38:06,794 --> 00:38:08,408 He is not the only one that's going places! 462 00:38:09,831 --> 00:38:11,831 Raqel! I'm gonna get all the hounds come down for your first night. 463 00:38:14,778 --> 00:38:15,914 Oh sorry. What d'you say? 464 00:38:15,949 --> 00:38:17,961 I said, I'll get all the boys come down for the first night. 465 00:38:17,996 --> 00:38:22,593 Trigger, Boycie, Rodney, me, the lot. When you come on stage, we'll give you a big cheer. 466 00:38:25,035 --> 00:38:28,656 That's gonna make Adrian think you've got a fan club already. 467 00:38:29,584 --> 00:38:31,029 OK. Thanks. 468 00:38:31,351 --> 00:38:34,035 Well, cheer up, girl. You got the part, didn't you? 469 00:38:34,301 --> 00:38:35,792 Yeah, I got the part, Albert. 470 00:38:35,827 --> 00:38:39,510 - There you go, then. Here you are sweetheart. - Not for me, Del. 471 00:38:39,545 --> 00:38:42,298 Come on sweetheart. To celebrate your job, eh? 472 00:38:42,333 --> 00:38:44,183 I've got this letter to read. It's got all the details of the play. 473 00:38:44,218 --> 00:38:47,746 I'd like to read it with a clear head. I'll see you in a little while. 474 00:38:51,304 --> 00:38:52,943 What's up with her? 475 00:38:55,205 --> 00:38:58,630 Ever since she's come back from that audition with that Adrian and all them other actors... 476 00:38:58,796 --> 00:39:00,182 ...she's been different. 477 00:39:00,978 --> 00:39:03,646 I don't know, maybe we embarass her or something. 478 00:39:03,681 --> 00:39:05,794 Raquel's not like that! 479 00:39:05,829 --> 00:39:09,589 You don't know, Rodney. A cravat and a codpiece can turn a girl's head. 480 00:39:16,209 --> 00:39:22,142 Hello... Alan. I've just been telling Del and Albert about our new premises. I was thinking... 481 00:39:23,191 --> 00:39:24,955 What letter? 482 00:39:25,566 --> 00:39:32,001 Oh that letter. Let me explain. It was a token - a gesture. 483 00:39:33,455 --> 00:39:38,433 The situation that existed then between Cassandra and I may have been causing you some embarrassment, 484 00:39:38,468 --> 00:39:41,024 and I wanted you to know that I was aware of it... 485 00:39:42,004 --> 00:39:47,526 Yeah... Mm... Fine... 486 00:39:48,722 --> 00:39:49,999 Just let me get this straight, Alan. 487 00:39:50,550 --> 00:39:54,802 When you say you've accepted my letter of resignation, what exactly do you mean? 488 00:39:57,527 --> 00:40:02,360 I see yes. Thank you. 489 00:40:07,989 --> 00:40:13,008 - You handed in your resignation? - I thought it was best. 490 00:40:13,846 --> 00:40:17,000 You stupid little plonker! 491 00:40:17,604 --> 00:40:21,994 That's the bestest job you've ever had, or ever likely to have, and you've chucked it away! 492 00:40:22,218 --> 00:40:29,054 Listen. I am in control of my own destiny! I am my own man, I make my own decisions in this world. 493 00:40:29,089 --> 00:40:30,710 But why did you resign? 494 00:40:30,745 --> 00:40:35,432 - Because he told me to! - Me? I never said a word. 495 00:40:35,467 --> 00:40:39,499 You told me about that bloke on the boat who put in his resignation to get out of a court martial. 496 00:40:39,534 --> 00:40:41,711 - But that was different, son. - How? 497 00:40:41,746 --> 00:40:43,840 Well, he got away with it! 498 00:40:45,990 --> 00:40:48,404 I didn't think Alan would accept my resignation! 499 00:40:49,539 --> 00:40:50,976 But he did! 500 00:40:51,011 --> 00:40:55,689 I know he did! I thought I was too important to the firm. 501 00:40:55,724 --> 00:40:57,232 But you weren't! 502 00:40:57,267 --> 00:40:59,624 I know I weren't! Bloody know that now, don't I? 503 00:40:59,659 --> 00:41:06,153 Alright, calm down. I'll give Alan a bell, see if I can get him to change his mind for you. 504 00:41:06,188 --> 00:41:09,364 It's too late. He's already found somebody to replace me. 505 00:41:09,399 --> 00:41:12,495 - That was bloody quick, weren't it? - It's my assistant. 506 00:41:12,792 --> 00:41:15,520 Your assistant? What, that little kid? 507 00:41:17,458 --> 00:41:21,041 That snotty nosed Herbert who's just left school? 508 00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:26,024 - Elvis? - Yes. 509 00:41:26,863 --> 00:41:29,167 He's doing what you were doing? 510 00:41:30,270 --> 00:41:31,878 Elvis, he ain't daft. 511 00:41:32,146 --> 00:41:35,719 There's no worry about him winning Blockbusters though, is there? 512 00:41:37,275 --> 00:41:41,500 He's the one who thought sugar diabetes was a Welsh flyweight. 513 00:41:43,603 --> 00:41:49,670 Look, he's just filling the gap until Alan finds someone of my expertise to take over. 514 00:41:49,846 --> 00:41:52,929 It's just strange they should replace you with a silly boy. 515 00:41:53,082 --> 00:41:54,621 Why don't you just stay out of this, Albert! 516 00:41:56,452 --> 00:41:58,283 You can't talk to an old hero like that! 517 00:41:58,318 --> 00:42:01,036 Well, he's getting on my bloody nerves, going on and on. 518 00:42:01,254 --> 00:42:03,399 It's your own fault Rodney, you got noone else to blame! 519 00:42:03,655 --> 00:42:07,843 You got a lovely wife, a lovely flat and the bestest job in the whole world - and you blew it! 520 00:42:12,209 --> 00:42:14,672 Who was that bloke you was having lunch with today? 521 00:42:19,477 --> 00:42:22,319 That was just one of Raquel's artistic friends. 522 00:42:23,050 --> 00:42:25,611 - What bloke's that then? - Shut up, stay out of this Albert. 523 00:42:47,698 --> 00:42:50,025 - OK? - Yeah, fine. 524 00:42:50,958 --> 00:42:53,699 - Read yer letter about the play then? - Yeah, I've read it. 525 00:42:58,043 --> 00:43:02,233 Look, sweetheart. If we've had a row, could you at least tell me about it? 526 00:43:02,268 --> 00:43:03,705 We haven't had a row! Everything's fine. 527 00:43:03,740 --> 00:43:09,305 It's not fine. Ever since you came back from that audition with that Adrian and Jules and all them others... 528 00:43:09,340 --> 00:43:12,902 you've been different towards me. I mean, what is it? 529 00:43:12,937 --> 00:43:16,746 Am I not as good as your actor cronies? Do I embarrass you or what? 530 00:43:16,781 --> 00:43:18,188 Don't be stupid, Del! 531 00:43:18,223 --> 00:43:22,612 I am not being stupid. 'Cause I saw your face, you see. 532 00:43:22,832 --> 00:43:29,706 I saw your face when Adrian asked me about Hamlet and I said I preferred Castellas. 533 00:43:42,065 --> 00:43:44,704 So when d'you start rehearsings? 534 00:43:45,615 --> 00:43:47,755 The tour doesn't start for another three months. 535 00:43:50,098 --> 00:43:55,086 Gives you plenty of time to meet some more of them intelligent, sensitive actor people, don't it? 536 00:43:55,121 --> 00:43:57,096 Derek, will you get it into your thick skull: 537 00:43:57,131 --> 00:44:01,096 I'm not trying to meet intelligent and sensitive people, I'm happy with you! 538 00:44:04,473 --> 00:44:12,535 So what's the problem then? Tour? Did you say this thing was a tour? 539 00:44:12,570 --> 00:44:15,180 That's right. It's a nine-week tour of the country. 540 00:44:15,543 --> 00:44:22,733 I didn't know that, did I? I didn't know that. I thought it was a play, that you put on local. 541 00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:33,111 I see it that now. That's it, is it? The lurid of the big theatres! 542 00:44:33,146 --> 00:44:35,828 The applause, the applause, the show must go on! 543 00:44:36,932 --> 00:44:38,770 We're not appearing in theatres. 544 00:44:40,036 --> 00:44:42,644 Well, if you're not appearing in theatres, then where are you appearing? 545 00:44:42,679 --> 00:44:45,265 - Schools! - Schools? 546 00:44:45,300 --> 00:44:49,244 Yes, schools. It's a co-project between the Education and the Arts Councils. 547 00:44:49,464 --> 00:44:51,983 We're supposed to take Shakespeare to the inner cities. 548 00:44:52,211 --> 00:44:54,077 Imagine what it might have done for me. 549 00:44:55,722 --> 00:44:58,157 Could have ended up being a dinner lady. 550 00:45:00,858 --> 00:45:06,217 Don't become like all the others, Del. Putting down every little dream I have. 551 00:45:09,755 --> 00:45:16,254 I'm not trying to put your dreams down, sweetheart. You know I'd never do that. 552 00:45:23,272 --> 00:45:30,967 I don't want you to leave me! I'm frightened you might not come back! 553 00:45:32,787 --> 00:45:35,537 I'm not going anywhere, Del. I'm turning the offer down. 554 00:45:38,291 --> 00:45:44,746 You can't do that, sweetheart. This is a golden opportunity. 555 00:45:45,311 --> 00:45:48,900 Don't worry about me. I'm just being a bit selfish, that's all. 556 00:45:48,935 --> 00:45:54,369 - I can't do that tour, Del. - Why not? 557 00:45:56,104 --> 00:45:57,776 Because I've read the play again and again 558 00:45:57,811 --> 00:46:03,109 and at no point does Shakespeare mention that Rosalind - is pregnant. 559 00:46:04,502 --> 00:46:07,374 Well, that's poetic licence innit? 560 00:46:20,742 --> 00:46:22,910 Did you say you was pregnant? 561 00:46:24,780 --> 00:46:27,467 I've done all the tests and everything. It's certain. 562 00:46:30,725 --> 00:46:32,331 Blimey! 563 00:46:33,731 --> 00:46:39,648 - Are you angry? - Angry? 564 00:46:57,548 --> 00:47:02,277 Albert! Get the biggest bottle of champagne you can find and bring it in. Come on, quick! 565 00:47:02,510 --> 00:47:06,984 Rodney! Get out of bed you lazy git! Quick! Come here! 566 00:47:07,750 --> 00:47:09,953 Tonight we celebrate! 567 00:47:10,823 --> 00:47:12,201 You're not angry? 568 00:47:13,155 --> 00:47:18,492 Me angry? How can I be angry, I'm gonna to be a daddy! 569 00:47:21,441 --> 00:47:23,190 I wanna phone everybody I know: 570 00:47:23,225 --> 00:47:27,217 I wanna have a party! I'm gonna put on a fireworks, the biggest fireworks! 571 00:47:28,286 --> 00:47:32,638 - What's all the fuss about? - Calm down, calm down you two! 572 00:47:34,303 --> 00:47:36,880 You're gonna answer one simple question, right? 573 00:47:39,032 --> 00:47:41,238 How many people do you see standing there? 574 00:47:43,068 --> 00:47:44,566 One. 575 00:47:48,523 --> 00:47:50,321 I see two. 576 00:47:57,491 --> 00:48:00,996 - You know what this means, don' t you Albert? - No. 577 00:48:02,248 --> 00:48:07,217 Either Raquel's pregnant or Del's pissed. 578 00:48:13,825 --> 00:48:17,528 Subtitles by NVL